“Rude comments sometimes are what most of us have said before when seeing a bad display in a store-just because I now know different doesn’t mean that I used to stand behind some tantruming child and think “poor thing – I wonder if he has profound communication difficulties that impair his ability to rationalize this situation appropriately !!” LOL ..as if !!!!” ~Deborah
In part one we dealt with people asking you what’s wrong with your child out of concern or curiosity. These are people who are not meaning to hurt you or your child by asking, “What’s wrong with him?” and it could be a friend or family member who asks.
Sometimes however you may have to deal with people who don’t want your child around, and are outright rude about it. Part 2 is how to deal with genuinely rude people
Below are some methods for dealing with this. If nothing else reading these examples will help you know you are not alone if you ever experience this, and that in itself is a comfort.
Here’s My Card
“I am the one whose son does the major screaming trick. I knew there would be parents out there who would be saying to themselves that they apply a certain approach and it doesn’t work. And when that happens to you , you feel like such a failure. I just wanted to speak to my own experience – that sometimes unfortunately it doesn’t work!
Rude comments sometimes are what most of us have said before when seeing a bad display in a store-just because I now know different doesn’t mean that I used to stand behind some tantruming child and think “poor thing – I wonder if he has profound communication difficulties that impair his ability to rationalize this situation appropriately !!” LOL ..as if !!!!
I think some of the rude comments reflect what many of us think and many times we WILL BE RIGHT !! There are bratty kids out there with pathetic parents who make life even harder for the rest of us !!
Our kids look the same as everyone else and that is both a blessing and a curse.
So now I just never make assumptions based on what I see because I just don’t know. Standing behind someone and forming a view on what they are doing is entirely everyone’s prerogative – the number of people who have to tut or comment or get in your face!! I carry “business cards” with a brief description of Charlies condition which I hand to anyone attempting to comment or interfere.
My oldest son has his own which he wrote and can humiliate the most hard assed smart arse in ten seconds!!! ” please show your kindness and do not stare – he is just a boy trying to fight his illness “. I have developed a thick skin now . It is a sign I think of how I accept Charlie that other people’s views don’t matter – but oh for months and months it did!
I am always polite (almost !!) . I keep it brief and I try to accept that some people enjoy the prospect of putting a “bad mum ” in her place ( a lot of women of a certain age!!!) and I try to forget it as soon as possible .
If all else fails “he has autism but therapy is helping whereas you will be stupid and rude forever” works!
Funnily enough my six foot , 14 stone, rugby playing husband seldomn gets any comments when he takes Charlie out – now I wonder why that is!!!! Any ideas?” ~Deborah
Some more card suggestions from Josie who is an adult with autism and EDS
“I carry cards similar to these, because people can be jerks, even to disabled adults.” ~Josie
Finding Compassion- Sometimes your kids can help!
“I’m always amazed at these perfect parents, with perfect children (or so they think) that comment on any child who, in their opinion, is not perfect.
Saturday in the Kids Hair Salon was an example. “Perfect Mommy” was reading Finding Nemo to her
“perfect children.”
Wait was long, so my son engages two other boys in a game of balloon volleyball. She asked me why I was allowing them to play an outdoor game, inside. I told her balloons were able to be used anywhere, would she like to read the package. She then told me and the other moms, that we were “disturbing her children’s reading time”. I told her buzz off.
Well of course Jordan’s sensory stuff was in full bloom that day, so the haircut was nothing short of a torture session for him. He was freaking out, and luck be as it was, there was another sensory kid in the other chair. “Perfect Mommy” was having a fit. As I was preparing to pay, she then oh so politely said “Why would you take a retarded child to a place where only normal children are welcome.”
I told her my child was not “retarded”, but she must be….and BTW I hadn’t heard that word in about 15 years. The word is disabled. And fact is, my kid is surely much better off than her “oh so perfect kids” who have to have a “reading lesson” in a public place. She obviously forgot to teach them manners, but that’s probably because she herself doesn’t have any. The mother of the other child went ballistic. (I kept my temper very composed, but trust me, I was about to make her swallow that balloon……) It was just unbelievable.
I then commented how God only gives wonderfully special children, to special parents.
At that point, Jordan, noticing the turmoil, said “what’s wrong with that lady, Mom, does she need medicine?”
The ENTIRE salon started laughing. “Perfect Mom” then took “Perfect children” and stormed out on her heel. The salon owner, who btw, is trained to work with sensory kids, told me she definitely won’t allow her back. So much for perfection 🙂
Duct tape would have worked great for this lady!” ~Karen
Read part 1 how to answer “What’s wrong with him?”
“She’s learning to talk, and she’s doing great!”
